The First Day of Summer

The first day of summer. This little phrase is enough to strike terror and dread in any mother's heart, for it is the beginning of the end of her peaceful existence, as she now knows it. The tranquil morning hours sipping coffee after the children have left for school is over….OK, OK…I know you’re asking, what planet is she living on? Certainly not mine. Well….

For the 9 to 5'er mother…it means that she had better have her ducks in a row. The teenage babysitter should have been lined up since Christmas for the upcoming competitive Summer Season. And even then, this mother may be at the mercy of the whimsical teenager who on June 1st decides she would rather work on her tan and has been offered employment at the local pool. “I’m really sorry but I have to get some real work experience,” she says with a smile. "But call me some other time," she texts. Yeah right. That's a 'bad burn' for any working mother to endure.

As every well-prepared Mother knows the key to having a good summer with the kids is what? FOOD!.. And lots of it. How did these children ever manage at school with just one snack and lunch. Now, they graze all day long. I recommend stocking up on your kid's favorite frozen foods. They beauty of frozen foods… it's already prepared and the kids can fix it themselves.

Some of the more highly recommended staples.
1. Corndogs
2. Popcicles
3. Pocket sandwiches
4. Ice cream sandwiches
5. String Cheese
6. Frozen pizzas
7. Various Toaster treats

Note: All of the items above can be eaten with the hands or off paper plates. The smart mom will also hide all of the dishes and have a large abundance of paper plates. Otherwise…And I have learned this the hard way…There is a perpetual sink full of dirty dishes. Another tip…Sport-bottles with the kids' names on them. Forbid the use of glassware. Again, the alternative is the perpetual full sink issue.

Now for the working matriarch who has slightly older offspring…well, the worries multiply. I have actually overheard grown women in suits hissing into the phone, "Who else is over there?" or “Where are you going? Who is going to be there? When will you be getting back? How far is it? How much money?” You know the general Who, What, When, Where, How questions posed to teenagers world-wide.

Or "Your sister did what? Let me talk to her right this instant." Discipline over the phone is a tragically humorous thing to watch. Somehow threats over the phone do not have the same effect as your child personally seeing the whites of your eyes and knowing that you mean business. At times this mother has to play Condoleezza Rice and settle disputes that make the Middle East seem like a sandbox quibble. "Let her have her turn on the computer RIGHT NOW!"

Then there are the food crises. "There is too, a frozen pizza in the deep freeze. Well who ate it?" Or, "We are not out of bread…JUST LOOK!"

And then there are the true emergencies over the phone, like "Hold direct pressure over the bleeding! And DON'T LET THAT CAT OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!" Or, "Don't let your brother play with your father's power tools in the kitchen." Or, “The last time I saw the remote control it was under the middle couch cushion."

Now the stay-at-home mother has the best of intentions on June 1, to provide fun yet educational experiences for her children. However by August 1st this woman bears no resemblance whatsoever to June Cleaver, Carol Brady or even her own mother. She has been abused, victimized and tortured by her offspring to the point which she has been reduced to a screaming Ninja who could care less if the children have learned 2 + 2 much less read Great Expectations. After the fourteenth chorus of "Mom, I'm bored…" She has finally resorted to yelling, "Go play in the street." Or “Why don't you paint the house. That blue spray paint is a nice shade." The most blessed words she hears is "School starts tomorrow."

In all seriousness, I suppose summers are great. Even through juggling hours at work and the children's summer schedule…you know…swimming, guitar lessons, weeks at camp, ball schedules, one does tend to spend more "quality time" with the kids. And as the old sage once said, “It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity”….Mahatma Gandhi

Next year, I think Mommy will go to camp…..I nice long camp for adults only, located on the sunny shores of Jamaica.