Old Timers…Sissies, Need Not Apply

I had the opportunity today to treat a sweet and dear, but demented older lady at a new residence center today. This particular facility caters to individuals with that much-mispronounced diagnosis of Alzheimers. It’s Alzheimers…not Old Timers, not Altimers….Alzzzzzheimers. Much to my surprise I noticed several familiar faces. There was Mrs. Sunshine over there who just last week was cavorting with her friends at the Non-Demented Facility in our fair city.

I have of course changed the names to protect the innocent and to keep myself out of jail for violating HIPAA regulations. For you non-medical people HIPAA is the federal law that requires that everyone fills out massive amounts of paper- work to say that everyone from your dentist to your chiropractor will not violate your civil rights and inadvertently leave a message on the telephone that tells you that your grandmother’s pregnancy test was positive. AHHHEMM.

And then I saw the man, Mr. Corn, that just last month was a volunteer at our hospital pushing other people up and down the halls to various departments for their appointments with Radiology and Cardiology. What was he doing in here???? Oh…I remember now… he tried to walk the 24 miles to his wife’s grave one night. It apparently scared his son and daughter-in-law to death. The County Deputies were called out in-mass and were able to practice their search and rescue skills. Lucky for Mr. Corn we live in the South and that particular April night was not that cold. But 45-50 degree temperatures can certainly take a toil on a 71 year-old body and apparently his mind as well.

The next blast from the past was a former Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Crownover …Wow…I think she taught me the books of the Bible. Now she goes around and sweeps the spotless floors, dusts imaginary cobwebs and remakes her bed a dozen times a day.

It’s a pleasant life, I suppose. Not knowing or caring about consequences or where the next meal is coming from, or paying taxes or bills, or who is going to clean up everything, or who is going to maintain your home. All of the millions of decisions we make every day simply gone… poof. I suppose…it might be pleasant … as long as you have loving family members to provide a safe place for you…as long as you have kind and patient caregivers who don’t mind changing your Depends diaper for the 6th time that day….as long as you don’t turn violent and disruptive and become a behavior problem that has to be restrained…as long as you have enough balance and stability that when you go wandering (for you surely will) that you don’t fall a break and hip…as long as you like the company of others for whom these other hideous things are a problem…

Alzheimer’s…Not a disease for sissies.

So, it made me really nervous today when I actually couldn’t remember if I had left the iron on or not. So…I came home in the middle of my extremely busy day to check it out. It was turned off and unplugged. Maybe Mrs Crownover turned it off for me.

Safe, for one more night. I think I need to work more crossword puzzles.